


Lost It All

by Was_It_A_Dream



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars, shannon leto - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:12:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7466409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Was_It_A_Dream/pseuds/Was_It_A_Dream





	1. It cant be real

Standing in the middle of the bedroom watching him sleep peacefully, not knowing what was happening killed me. 4 years. 4 long wonderful years were being thrown away. My heart was breaking, it had been breaking for about 6 months now. He seemed distant, lost in his own world. 

That was only with me. When he was with others he was the man I loved. The man who gave up so much to make us work, to make our dreams possible. But he wasn't that anymore, and I didn't deserve it. I couldn't tell you the last time we had dinner together, or the last time he told me he loved me 

Was he cheating? No. I knew that for sure. Was he hard at work? Of course. But then there was the bro nights that I had no problem with but they became more often. He's come to bed at 2am and wouldn't touch me. I felt like the plague. 

So now I'm packing my things. It's 4am and I have a flight at 6. Making sure to be quiet I carried my bags down to the door. Sitting them down I looked around at everything. What he made and built before me to the things we did together. Walking to the kitchen I wrote him a note. I didn't know what to say. He deserved so much, sorry wasn't good enough. 

All I could manage to write was "I will always love you" I placed the promise ring he gave me beside it. He gave me that ring a year into our relationship. He promised me the world. Which he is his damnedest to give me. But now that world was shattered. 

As I walked back to the door I picked up my bags to walk out. Closing my eyes I whispered "I love you" one last time as left. 

SHANNONS POV

Rolling over in bed I expected to feel her warmth. Coming in contact with cold, bare sheets made me wake up instantly. I sat up and looked around. The room was empty. The essence of warmth and radiance was gone. It's never like this. Getting out of bed I walked to the bathroom. No shower, not even steam. Maybe she was awake in the kitchen. 

As I made my way down the stairs it felt eerie. No music, no windows open. The sun was starting to peak. She was usually dancing around singing. Making my way to the kitchen I stop when a ray of sunlight hit something on the counter. A sparkle that I knew too well. 

"I will always love you" was all it read. Promise ring sparking in the sunlight that was now pouring into the cold and depressed kitchen. 

It felt like a dream. The ones you try so desperately to wake up from. But this... This was reality. My hands started to shake, my chest was getting tight as I picked up the ring and ran back to the room. Frantically opening all the drawers in her dresser and pulling the closet open to find it empty. 

Was the room spinning? My chest heaved as I looked around. Emptiness. That's all I was left with. The imprints of her heels still on the rug where she had them. The silk hangers bare as the day I bought them for her. 

What was that feeling? I felt hollow. My chest was heavy. I grabbed my phone off the dresser no missed calls or text. I called her phone expecting his to be a prank. But I was sent to voicemail. Nothing on the other line but the cold tone of her voice. 

 

This was a dream. No this was a nightmare. Why wasn't I waking up! I yanked a short and pants out of the closet and put my boots on. Grabbing my keys I hurried out to my bike. I didn't know where I'd find her, but I was damn sure determined to. 

I drove. Checked all her favorite places. Most of which were still closed. As I passed the beach I saw a plane fly over head. My heart dropped. That's where she was. 

I've never driven so fast in my life. I was getting her back. Parking and running inside I looked at the flight board. Where would she go? Home? No she wouldn't go back. She couldn't. Damn you LAX for being so big! I ran til I couldn't run anymore. 

Then I saw her. She was boarding a flight. Her face was red. She's been crying. Yelling out she didn't hear, or didn't want to. I hurried over towards her. She walked onto the plane and out of my sight. Begging and pleading with the flight attendant they wouldn't let me on. 

That's when I broke down. I stumbled back over to the seats. Looking at the door hoping a praying shed walk back out. Change her mind and come back to me. She never did. The doors closed. I watched as the plane began to pull out. 

As the plane took off I slumped down on the floor. Promise ring in hand. Never did I think this moment would come. But that's when I realized, I lost it all.


	2. It felt like a dream

2 weeks later

Cold, dreary, empty. That's how it felt. That's how my entire house felt. I hadn't see the sun in days. It's been raining, leaving a dullness around me. The amount of sadness that surrounded me was so thick you could see it. I couldn't even fake a smile, it would be a lie. 

I sat in the living room thinking of every way possible to bring her home. I couldn't bare to be in the bedroom, it smelt like her, her perfume, her shampoo. What made her leave? I had no clue. She seemed so happy. Did I do something? Was I not what she wanted anymore? 

Laying back on the couch I closed my eyes to hopefully put myself to sleep. It didn't stop the pain, only suppressed it. Being awake hurt to much, everything reminded me of her. 

1 1/2 months later. 

Pounding on the door woke me, why bother get up. "Who is it?" My tone was empty. "Shan bro let me in. Come on dude you gotta get up" sighing heavily I climbed off the couch an walked to the door. Kicking my shoes out of the way I unlocked it. Not bothering to open it I turned around and went to the kitchen. 

"Shannon... Dude come on. It's been almost 2 months. You can't stay in here. Come over to the lab. My house, something. What the fuck is that smell... Dude have you cleaned?' Rolling my eyes I grabbed a drink from the fridge 'I'm not leaving the house. I have no reason to." I heard him shut the door. His footsteps closing in on me 

"Whether you have a reason to or not you need to. First off open a fucking window! Smells like something died in here." 

Little did he know, something did. My reason for living. "She left dude. Everything that mattered to me is gone." He leaned against the counter 'I get that bro I really do, but you need to do you. I know you loved her. Hell I did! She was like a sister. Have you spoken to her? Found out why she left?" 

All I could do was shake my head. I tried every person she knew. No one had spoken to her. But Jared was right. My house was trashed and I needed to get out. Maybe I'd feel better.

"Fine... I'm hungry let's go get lunch or something.' 

Jareds Pov

Looking around Shannons house I could tell he was hurting. Empty food cases, the house reeked. He needed out and to clean. 

'You go shower and I'll... Try and make it not smell in here.' With an eye roll he walked to the shower. As I cleaned up some things I thought to myself. What are some ways I can get him out more? 

Maybe force him to go to the lab. That would be pointless seeing as we weren't working now. Picking up some clothes I took them to his room. Not hearing the shower I opened the door. 

Light was off, things looked untouched. The bed was made perfectly. Then it hit me.... Her perfume. I could smell it. Looking around I didn't know what to do with Shans clothes. That's when I saw the ring. I remember him giving it to her. 

Hearing a door open and close I turned around to see Shannon coming out of the guest shower. His eyes caught mine "What are doing in there! Don't touch anything!" Coming towards me I walked out and shut the door 

"Dude I didn't touch anything. Why can't I go in there I was just taking your clothes" taking his stuff from me he walked down the hall 'I haven't slept in there since she left' 

His voice cracked when he mentioned her. He was hurting but it's been too long "Ok shoes let's go. You need fresh air" 

Dragging Shannon to lunch I made him eat. No matter what I said, how many jokes I cracked he still wouldn't smile. Every time his phone went off he checked. I knew he hoped it was her. 

'Ok I'll be back first thing tomorrow. You're going out with me all day' shrugging me off he walked back into his house closing the door. He shut off the world. I had to figure out a way to fix this. I was determined to.


	3. Reality is Seen

4 1/2 months later

"Look Jared I'm out of the house and having dinner. I'm here. You can stop complaining." I sat up straight trying to seem interested in what Jared was saying. But I had to thank him. I was finally starting to seem like a functioning adult. 

'Ok so next week mom wants the three us to do dinner. So I was thinking we could have it at your place.' Shaking my head that wasn't gonna happen. 'No. Not happening. No one in my house. We can go out that's fine.' Sighing he rolled his eyes 

'Shannon listen. Mom wants us all together. She loves going to your house. It's so... Warm according to her' that was a lie as of right now. It was cold and empty 'Well it's not anymore. Let's just go to the little restaurant she adores in WeHo. We can dress nice and all that' 

'Ok that's what we will do. Now let's go. We got stuff to do in the studio' laying a tip on the table we walked out. 

Sophia's POV 

Staying away wasn't an option for me. I had to go back. Los Angeles was my home. I got a flight back and would land around 10:30pm. I had my hotel book for a few days while I finished my lease on the apartment. I was scared and excited all together. I hadn't lived alone in the last 4 years. 

My plane landed and I got a taxi to the hotel. Getting to the room I looked out the window down to the lights of the city. Man did I miss this place. This was my home and I needed to be here. After getting a much needed hot shower I climbed in bed ready to end the day and begin my new adventure tomorrow. Who knows what could come into my life. 

Finishing a long day of lease info and my interview with the CEO's of the company I was now working for I was ready for dinner and a bed. Walking down Ocean Ave I stopped at one of my favorite places to get a smoothie. They mad the best coffee/banana smoothie. 

Since I was close to the beach I figured I go and people watch before I went back to the hotel, my things would be coming on over the next few days so why not relax now. I sat in a lounge chair and smiled as people went by. Kids chasing each other, couples holding hands.... That one hurt a bit. 

Shaking my head I started to head back to the hotel. Stopping to get dinner I waited for my order. Scrolling through my phone I froze when I heard a voice. I knew that voice... Keeping my eyes on my phone I closed them and listened 

"So that beat was epic. Think you can make it faster? Just a bit?" Here came the reply and it scared me "Yeah bro... I'll... See what I can do. Let's just get out of here" my heart sank. I covered my mouth to keep the sounds in. I'd only been back two days and I already had to deal with this. I wasn't ready. 

Thankfully the restaurant was dark. I saw them walk out. His face was... Empty. No emotion, no smile. He looked tired, sad. His eyes were sunken in like he hadn't slept and cried. My heart was in my throat. It took all I had not to cry. I sat there praying my name wouldn't be called. Not til he was out the door. 

Watching him walk away without me saying anything to him hurt so bad "Miss Sophia, your order is ready" getting up I thanked the cashier and walked to the door. Him and Jared stood there talking. I couldn't walk out, what if he saw me? I needed to get back to the hotel. Pulling my hair from its bun I let it fall around my fave and quickly opened the door. 

Walking out my elbow bumped his. I mumbled an apology and hurried away.

SHANNONS POV 

I didn't hear a word Jared said. My eyes widen 'Excuse you' I said as the woman bumped into me. But then I froze, that's when I smelt it. Every ounce of my being was still. Her. I smelt her. Her perfume, shampoo. It was like she was there. I looked around and saw no one. Just the random people passing by on the street. 

My memories were getting the best of me. "Shannon... Hello... Shannon dude you ok" Jared shook me. Shaking my head I snapped out of it 'Huh? Oh uh... Nothing I'm fine. I swear I just... No. Ok I'm gonna head on home.' Giving me a hug Jared and I went our separate ways. 

Getting back home I sat on the couch. It was her. She was the only person who EVER wore that perfume, used that special shampoo. I knew it was. But I didn't see her. Maybe I was finally trying to convince myself that she's only a memory. 

SOPHIAS POV

I couldn't help it. I laid on the hotel bed feeling absolutely pathetic. Crying into a pillow. Why didn't I say anything! He looked terrible, he was always so happy. No smile, no nothing. That wasn't Shannon. Why did I come back, I knew I'd end up seeing him. 

Finally able to eat I got in the shower. Sitting on the floor I cried. The water hiding the evidence. I missed him. 4 months without him was a living hell for me. I left thinking I deserved more. But now he was my more. Do I go back? Or do I keep to myself and move on. Who am I kidding... I can't move on from him. He was and always will be... The love of my life.


End file.
